This is a last minute panic post because I’ve had no time to write one this week. Usually I write my blog post on Saturday but yesterday was too full of stuff to find time so here I am typing it out on Sunday morning.
On Monday I had an actor from the cast of Black Watch come out to work with my senior youth theatre. I can write about this now it has passed and the story leaked anyway although no one seemed to notice my ugly mug in a full page spread in The National so I pretty much got away with it. It was a fantastic night and I am so happy to have provided these young people with a chance to engage with such a fantastic play after they had it take away from them. It may have to be a yearly event in this town.
Tuesday was taken up with dealing with a grumpy four year old who hadn’t had enough sleep the night before, fun.
On Wednesday I was in Edinburgh for 10Red. It was lovely reconnect with some of my more talky poems, I have to say I prefer them in lots of ways and I do wonder if I have pushed away from that kind of work because of the way page poetry doesn’t like some of the things it does. I used to write like that all the time, now I feel a bit disconnected from it. I went to Edinburgh with my neighbour, talented spoken word poet Mark Thomson who, as usual, stole the show
On Thursday I was like a car wreck with the tiredness! I also had a long chat with a man at a university who runs an MA that I would love to do. Whether I can magic up the money is another issue altogether.
On Friday I was back in to Southmuir Primary to work with P4 on their conflict resolution performance. Next Friday they will perform for the first time for the P3 class and I have a workshop planned for them too. I also managed to convince the school to bring in a piece of professional theatre which I will hep organise, hurrah – theatre in Kirriemuir!
Yesterday was taken up with the world’s worst bake sale. We were trying to raise money for the youth theatre but made about a fiver. I also have a house full of left over cakes (I don’t eat sugar, dairy or wheat so no cakes for me!).
So busy, busy and all that. Once again the writing just isn’t getting the time or attention it needs to survive. I wondered for the first time this week if it actually would survive. I wondered if it even matters. I probably need to get up earlier, 5am I suspect. I am trying to fit in more things, a bit of meditation, a bit of yoga. These are needed but it all eats away at writing time and the result is this week I didn’t draft anything of interest, I edited nothing and I submitted nothing. I am stagnating.
I also cancelled a couple things I had coming up. a week in Glasgow and the week in France. I don’t feel good about this at all but I just didn’t feel I could be away for both those weeks and be away for Leeds and Leeds is the one that is paid for.
I can see a bit of a pattern in my life where I feel very low, book a whole load of stuff, feel better, realise I can’t manage it all, get anxious, cancel stuff and go back to feeling low and trapped again. So not great but seeing it is the first step to breaking it and all that.
In other news Jana got a bike and is currently eating breakfast in her jammies and bike helmet. It’s making me smile. Life is full of the little things.